


But Honey, I made spaghetti

by historiCthrenody (Cookieluv246)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: BDSM, Daddy Kink, Established Relationship, Funny, Hermaphroditic Trolls (Homestuck), I'm Going to Hell, Light BDSM, M/M, One Shot, Restraints, Spanking, this was based off a HUMBLE tumblr post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:54:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookieluv246/pseuds/historiCthrenody
Summary: He's a pretty open guy, doesn't have much to hide. He probably didn't even clear his search history, the dumb bastard. He's obviously not nearly as cagey as say, yourself, when it comes to personal matters like the riveting and near scandalous details of your internet affairs.  But that's what you guess you love about him. He's  honest, he's open, he's consistent and somehow throughout all these dastardly affairs in the midst of the everlooming glee of growing up and adolescence life, still managed to stay positively innoce--
Relationships: John Egbert/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Click.

Click.

Click Click.

OH, WOW. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME? IT'S BORED-OUT-OF-YOUR-PARIETAL LOBE, FUCK-ALL O'CLOCK. Or more specifically, it's seven pm in the GOD DAMN evening. Wherein, if you were back on your harebrained slap-happy autocracy of a planet, would ordinarily signify that you may have been just waking up for the night, about ready to start the day. But since you are most assertively nowhere NEAR anything remotely reminiscent of your old life, you are shit pissing, joybean singingly, out of your mind _bored_.

But it doesn't stop there, _oh_ , it couldn't POSSIBLY stop there. Not only are you bored enough that your cry ducts are working overtime with no pit stops or extra wages to feed it's humble malnourished family. To the point that you're sure you could quench a whole sahara desert for sweeps upon sweeps to come, a lifetime membership guaranteed. But to top it all off, you're gnawscathingly hungry enough to begin pondering whether it'd be a good idea to eat at bargain brand 'your-plump-juicy-arm' for the low low price of the skin off your back. Literally! 

You, Karkat Vantas, are BORED, HUNGRY, and STIR CRAZY, which only leaves you in 

ONE.

SINGLE.

MOOD.

.

.

.

The slightest bit unsettled.

Click. Click. So the only thing you can do in these lovely moments of utter decay and decadence, is surf the vast and wide web that is the internet. Either that or, your _vastly_ unfortunate web of social miscomings. 

Problem? Your husktop isn't working. So you're using your boyfriend's-- which isn't an actual issue. Seeing as how he doesn't seem to mind other people going through his stuff, nor rummaging throughout all his business for some odd idiotic reason. It blows your creativesponge, that's for sure.

He's a pretty open guy, doesn't have much to hide. He probably didn't even clear his search history, the dumb bastard. He's obviously not nearly as cagey as say, yourself, when it comes to personal matters like the riveting and near scandalous details of your internet affairs. But that's what you guess you love about him. He's honest, he's open, he's consistent and somehow throughout all these dastardly affairs in the midst of the ever-looming glee of growing up and adolescence life, still managed to stay positively innoce--

> **To** : ghostyTrickster@chumpal.com
> 
> **From** : autobot@spankbank.com
> 
> **Subject** : SPANKBANK WEEKLY! MILFS! DILFS! BUKKAKE FEST ALL YOU CAN EAT AND MORE. 
> 
> Have you been a bad little boy? You probably have you dirty little minx. Looking for men in your area to put you back in your place? Watch these videos and more at Spankbank.com. Your subscription allows for the most personalized sexually deviant experience you will have in all the net. Stay tuned for more--

...WHAT?

WHAT THE FUCK IS A MILFDILFBUKKAKE?

Click? Oh. Oh God no. It's one of _those_ sites. It's a human virtual pailing site. You note that you are already signed in. It's not like you're a technophobic dunce, you can work a webpage just fine, thank you. 

It's not difficult to go through his long list of favorites-- though you immediately wish you hadn't. Literally everything on there is just...these old ancient human lusus looking things, and they're all male. They all disturbingly remind you of his earlier lusus with the pipe and hat, which inadvertently makes you for some reason...cringe. But since you are literally the trashiest of all sentiant beings, you masochistically decides to actually look at some of the videos and...

Oh God.

OH GOD. 

WHAT IS HE DOING. WHY IS HE HITTING HIM. ARE THEY FILLING A PITCH QUADRANT? YOU THOUGHT HUMANS DIDN'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE, THAT LYING PARCEL DRONE OF FILTH. They're pulling and tugging on each other and--wow. You're pretty sure that human scruff holster's weren't supposed to be used like THAT. 

Wow. Holy. Just--honestly for once in you're miserable husk, you're driven undeniably speechless. On the one hand, you're a little more proud of the stupid monkey race that you had deemed a failure of all cosmic space up until this point. Obviously they have more in them than you originally gave them credit for. But on the other hand...WHAT THE EVERSHITTING FECULENT FUCK JOHN.

"Honey, I'm home!!!" The door clicks shut, and you hear keys jiggle along with the sound of something heavy dropping in the other room.

SHIT. SHIT. ABORT MISSION. CLOSE EVERYTHING. FUCK, FUCK, SLAM DUNK. You are suddenly on the bed curled up and reading a nice novel about...gardening. 

Ok. 

That works. 

You hear light footsteps come closer to the door, and your _boyfriend_ is all smiles and leprechaun farts of braven naivety. Suddenly you feel your stomach turn. There is a beast that lays within that boy, this is _exactly_ why you have trust issues.

"Sorry I made you wait so long, you miss me?" He says, giving you the cheeriest cheeky grin that ever slapped you this side of 'earth human Washington.' _It makes you sick_ . You want to tear that giddy and complacent grin right off his abhorrently dumb, handsome, and attractive face. You are insulted beyond belief. Because first of all, _how dare he_ be this cute and also this...THIS.

"NOT PARTICULARLY." You bite.

"Ouch!" He giggles--fucking _giggles_ \-- and plops down right beside you. 

He brings you down with him on the bed and smothers you in kisses. This is disgusting, yet you love it so much, so therefore, you are also execrable by association. You push earlier thoughts to kiss him right back into the mucky caverns of your strangled innerscope where they belong. Instead reverting into cuddle Vantas mode. There is no stopping you now, and he knows it, so he complies in his own best interest. You lay there wrapped around him, like a horrorterror in the night to a poor trolls succulent and vulnerable wiggler's mind.

"You hungry? I brought back some groceries." He mumbles while twiddling with your hair.

Oh right, food. That was a thing. You _were_ hungry, but watching humans pail tends to make you lose your appetite. It's not like it's gross, it's just...weird. Alien. Take your pick, you're still new to this whole, boning another species thing.

"NAH. I'M GOOD."

"Well I'M hungry." He get's up, and pushes you away to your extreme displeasure. You were fucking comfortable, asshole. 

He then struts those battle toned legs as he walks towards the door. You feel an utterly grim sense of betrayal, you can't believe this. This, of all things. You never took his pranking allegations for anything more than useless asinine dribble. Something he said to ward off crude barbs and soothe his shameglobes in the night, as to gain a sense of unwarranted self importance. You were an expert at the subject, you understood the deal.

But alas, you've been hood-winked Vantas! He'd been stringing you with this feigned naivety all along!! Well played, Egbert. Well fucking played. 

"I am going to make spaghetti, you can just chill in here or something if you want."

You roll your eyes and breathe out a 'WHATEVER' before he's already half way out the door. You can't help but watch as that sizeable derriere strides away from you. You swear to Troll Bruce Almighty, your boyfriend has one of the most choicest of asses. You're pretty lucky, and you know it. You kind of just want to bend it over and slap those perky rhumble spheres until it fucking bruises permanently on that milky... The videos may be getting to you. 

Then a thought assails you. For a brief ampliative moment, you're consumed with a horrible, terrible, absolutely _atrocious_ idea. One of your arguably most reprehensible and depraved idea's yet. If only the guy's back at home could see you now! Troll Will Smith himself would be aghasted at the conceptualization of such a scandalous thought bubble you peversely have yet to pop with each waking second.

Clearly, like the useless body of sacrilege you are, you have to do it.

You walk up to your shared storage unit and shuffle for some things, as the sweet aroma of human grubsauce fills the air of your shitty hive. It only takes you a few minutes of searching to find what you're looking for, swiftly changing out of your normal dreary and bland clothes before he has the time to come back and snap you back to sanity. 

You then walk out, calm, cool, collected. Like you're not about to put in motion the literal worst mind nugget you've had in your life. Generally, it's the opposite of how you normally assert your presence. That's more of Strider's shtick than yours. You feel a little stupid, if you were being perfectly honest. But if you were being perfectly honest, when DIDN'T you feel stupid? Eh. 

You sit down at the table and patiently await your food. Hands drawn and clasped in a very dignified, and unarguably pleasant manner. As he finishes picking at one or two other things, doing a cute little jig that you refuse to dwell on, he turns around and gapes at you. Eyebrows raised so high that you're sure you heard them hit the ceiling. His mouth falls slack in quick succession as he stares you down; momentarily stunned.

"Karkat...?"

You tip your fedora up at him and stand up, walking slowly over to his slightly petrified form. Several sweeps had done wonders to your height. For while you were still one of the shorter trolls comparatively to the rest of your species, that fact doesn't hold true for the humans. You tower John at least a good several feet, as you back him into the counter. You make a small cough as you bring your vocal pipes down to that of a deep bass.

"JOHNATHAN."

His face goes pale. That's a name that was generally reserved for his lusus. When you were going through packages in the house, you ended up stumbling on a few of the man's notes. Some of which he called him by that. Your hand cups his face and pushes his jaw up, it's not every day you get to see him so completely and utterly caught off guard. You like it. Your other hand swiftly moves to his hips as you press him more and more into the counter. You see him squirm a little uncomfortably, as he moves up to sit on it. You lick your lips and let a small husky rumble stumble out of your throat, as you kiss your way down his neck and purr softly.

"You've been a very naughty boy Johnathan. Naughty little grubs get punished."

Shit, you let yourself slip. You can feel him ease up at your expense, as he fidgets and whines, " _But I'm making spaghetti_." You nip his ear and hear a groan leave him. You growl, instinctively, curling your fingers into that succulent rump of his, while letting filed fingers prick holes into soft supple skin.

"I'm skipping to dessert," You punctuate your sentence by spreading his legs apart with your knee. "and I'm _going_ to have my fill." Yet as fast as the words leave your tongue, you freeze. 

You look up at him with mild hesitation, fearing that you may have misstepped your boundaries. Suddenly, question after question starts berating you. Useless babbles of your ectokin that you wish to forget, things like "upset" and "trigger" ring deafly in your cartilage shoot. While they meant very little to you at the time, once the whole SBURB thing had been over and done with, the effects of those once arbitrary words became a too real occurrence in your life. Suddenly this whole idea seems terrible and awful in hindsight. Oh God, oh God you fucking imbecile. You hot nosed idiot. You disgraceful and shameless- 

Before you have time to panic yourself into a corner, he answers you with a moan. 

" _Karkat_."

Oh.

Well. 

You figure that's as good of a sign as any to continue. You reserve judgement on past you, this one time. You capture his mouth, a lot more gently than you think your role naturally permits. But being the revolting sap you are, you find you can't possibly help yourself. He doesn't seem to mind the stutter in pace, though you don't let him get too comfortable for long. You're just getting started, you didn't watch hours worth of that hoofbeast load of croc for nothing!!

You can play human kismesis. 

You can play human kismesis with an odd power imbalance all fucking day!!!!

You kiss him from his collar, down to the bone. Your teeth nipping and catching in places that make your lover on the other side _moan_ . He says your name, and you swat him. Telling him to refer to you as ' _daddy_ ', which he happily replies once you get a handful of his surmountable rear. 

You shove him more on the counter, and he moves to sit up. Your hands delving underneath his shirt to rub around at his belly and things. You lap him up like sugar, sweet enough to go in to your cup. You kiss, and suck, draining all of it out as you draw little swirls with your fangs. You bite down at his careening, and he sings a sweet tasted song on the lips just for you to hear.

Your hands glide down him like poison, as you start to rip off his clothes with your nails. Pointed to a claw, you take his easily scrap of wear in your hands and devolve them to shreds in seconds. This garners out a cry from John, that gives you goosebumps to the bulge up. You lick down his neck and suck on him a hickey the size of fucking Jupiter. 

He kicks a shin to your knee, and you jet his thighs open with yours. You can hear the elongated way he moans out just for you. His imagery giving you butterflies. It all ranges itself down to your gut, his whimpering unending, as you get down to his belt buckle and rip the snake from its confines. 

You drown in his scent, and warm your hands into the boxer of his shorts, as you rile him up with little teasing touches that'll last him the whole rest of the day. You hear the sounds of violins play in your head, as your hand scurries and rendezvous to as many muscles and cavities as you can feel up. John is none the wiser to your ploy, as you feel him like an art piece stranded on it's lonesome at the show. Your hands are pleasant to his touches, and you kiss and melt in him senselessly.

Once you get off the rest of his clothes, you loosen your own tie. It was a blue plaid color, and it complimented your slacks that were grey in tone. You slithered your brown belt buckle from off your waist, but keep it on hand for _later_ , as you have other plans for John beside's a few bucket spillings.

"You look so good strung on my kitchen cabinets, but I think we should move this. Don't you?"

"A-Ah, anything you want."

"Come on and say it,"

" _Ah-- Daddy_."

"Good boy." You say, as you take ahold of his waist from the counter. Like a flower, you unpluck him from the cabinet, lifting him up on your shoulder. Strewing him against your back, as you pat his butt for safe measures. It's all perky, freckled, and pale. It gets you a bit excited for what's to come.

You settle him down, and he plops loudly, splayed out against the bed. You yourself sit near the edge, and play with your bulge idly. Keeping it perked, as you wait for John to regain his bearings.

"Lay down on my lap."

"H-Huh?"

"I said, _lay down on my lap_."

He makes this weird face at your request, but then he finagles his way and does as he's told. Laying the width down across your legs. Bare bottoms at your disposal.

"Move up, further."

He does just that, and gives you a nice clear image of his rhumble-spheres. You work up a firm grip of his ass, and massage it with your palm. This causes him to groan out in agony as you play with him like play-dough. Doing to him the things you saw in his videos of older men to their cute young submissives.

" _Good boy_ ," You coo. Your lips whistling a sweet tune, as you play with him downright disrespectfully. Your hands in places, you could only imagine. You love John's ass on the best of days, absolutely adore it. You try to explain that in brail, as you knead and pulverize him enough for him to keep his groaning on par.

" _Karkat_ \--"

"Daddy." You swat.

He jerks his body up at the slap, and you listen to him keen and whine at your own disposal. You rub red patches into his skin, as you mold it your liking. Before you decide to swat him again. Watching his body ring out like jell-o.

" _Ah_ ,"

He whines. Setting his face more into the bed, as he near suffocates himself while doing so. You like to watch him do it. Like to watch him barely keep up appearances, as he unravels fully on to the bed. He's so sexy, so hot. You re-loosen your tie a few more breaks, before returning your hands to their rightful throne.

You swat. Once. Twice. _Maybe_ a few extra times just to keep him surged. You like a lot of things about this. You like being the one in control, _you always do_ . You like hearing the way John whimpers for you. _Needily so_. And you like the way his ass bruises as you swat him an extra time. Another. Again. You keep it up until each cheek is a deep red blur. 

You rub him, and he doesn't stop dripping on your thigh and the crease of the bed.

" _Daddy_ ," He whimpers, finally. As he rubs himself against your leg. His back raised, as he rubs on you like a cat. Your own voice purring as you watch him.

_"Needy little thing,"_

_"Daddy..."_

You give him one last slap, as you do. Appreciatively rubbing what has fawned you for entertainment, for the past twenty minutes. You hum lowly, as you breathe through your nostrils. Hands not stopping as you do.

"Alright. Lay on your back,"

He takes short breaths, as he slowly goes and does as you say. He lays himself prettily out on his back, his whole front showing off as he does. He's red from his face, his chest, his stomach, and the cutest part about him. His dick startlingly straight as a rod, as he breathes in heavy husks. Watching you, watching him.

You move over to give him a kiss, the bed echoing with each movement you place on your knee. You loll his tongue out at him, as your eyes close, and you give him a long kiss in sincerity. You then open your eyes, as you hear him croon. His body wiggling each way, as he shows off for you.

You love it.

You show him this fact, by moving up. Saliva dripping from between you two, as you roll your tie from off your broad shoulders completely. You then move to tie it between the rise of his arms. His wrists tied together in a cute little bow, as he stirs himself from below you. His dick hitting you hard like a present he's wrapped up like for you.

"Kar--ngh. _Daddy_."

You wet your lips, as you swipe your tongue to the corner of your mouth. Heart pounding from underneath your chest, as you gorge yourself on John. Kissing him from the tip of his nose, to the ends of his chest. You slather your mouth on top of him, leaving marks on him the further and further you go. You breathe in his scent, eyes dilated, and kiss him in finality.

Your fingers and long nails stretch down his ample thighs, scratching a long streak down him with the brunt of your claws. You keep them filed like that mostly for comfort, but the sex appeal it adds always gives you an extra edge that you like. Your smile turns into a smirk, as you watch him arch his back enough for his ribs to poke through from his stomach.

You curve your hands, and watch the way he wails from his seating at the bottom of your bed. You feel like gloating, as you draw a streak from the other side as well. White chalkiness embed into the visceral of his pink dusted skin. 

Your fingers move from their spot on top of him, to a spot along his cheeks, as you rub alongside his taint and his balls. You move over to get the lube from your drawer, as you keep rubbing alongside him in circles, and in circles. 

You spurt the stuff all over your hands, and rub it onto your digits and your bulge which is already sporting plenty of liquids all on it's own. It curls and curves over your hand, as you spread John far and wide. Your fingers move themselves directly to his whole, as you enter inside him, carefully.

He starts breathing heavy, as his head falls back against his restraints. His body curved in a way that he can still look at you, and what you're doing. Liquid runs from up your cock, to down his bulge. Centered on his cheek, and down his mouth, as it slithers down in excess to mess up the already finely tuned feeling of the bed.

You pepper him a few times with thrusts from your hands, before you're done, and move his waist down to kiss your own. You tug him down to your hip, both hands straddled to his sides, as you grip him steadily. Your bulges touch between the two of you like puzzle pieces, as they match and play with each other in the lime's light. 

You move your hip up, and center your frisky bulge to John's entrance. The red critter pulsating from your spot, as it wiggles and curves every which way around you. You lick your lips again, and sweat drops straight down your forehead, as you keep your better pleasantries to yourself.

It wiggles inside of him, freeing its constricts, as a wave of pleasure washes over you like a drowsy Sunday. You meet your lips once more, as you push deep inside of him. Your bulge not the only thing pulsing, much like your bloodpusher, as you keep him locked in a web of your own like a spider. You take shallow breaths, as you feel his walls undulate you. In, and out. In, and out.

You push in, deeply. In, and out, like a dance to a song that you always knew in your heart. He sways in rhythmic motions, as you sidle him. Sliding yourself as far in as you possibly can. The girth of your bulge, riveting in and out of him like a string in a quartet. You hustle inside of him, huddling him to your body, as you bite at his neck.

_He croons,_

_You bite._

You keep up the act, twice.

Your bulge pushes spurts in a few more times, before the both of you breath sweat into each other's faces, and come. Red jizz engulfing John's stomach, as it fills him up to the tip. You bite down on your teeth, hissing, as you feel splices of John's jizz hit your tummy as well. The whole action making your eyes bleed black, as light stars fizz in between your vision.

You relax, when he does, and find yourself rolling to the edge of the bed. You kick your legs out and rest, as John big spoons you. Following your back, he holds you in his arms. You don't know when you do, but you feel yourself start to black out, as you feel your eyes recede to the back of your head.

You sigh, and take a few minutes to yourself.

John's hands move on your back, and draws swirls in your arms, your muscles, your spine. You feel it tingle and entrench you in a silent dance of your nerves. You keep yourself settled, as warmth hits you every time he moves his wrist.

"So, are you going to tell me..." You turn around, as he starts talking, so you can sit and look at him. His hand moves in all directions, as he stares at you with pink still dusting his cheek. "All this. What started this."

You scratch your hair, your hat already long gone as it must have fell off the bed during your exertions. Your bangs are slicked harshly on your face, as the sweat makes you feel all musky and damp. You could definitely use a shower after all this is said and done. You lick the inside of your mouth, as you sit up a little straighter on your place on the bed, and really turn to face him.

"I saw your porn account on one of those weird websites. It was filled with daddy kink stuff, so I got the idea to try it since you like it so much. I mean, I'm more shocked that you didn't tell me...I mean, I guess it's fair if you're still not comfortable with me knowing all your kinks but--"

"Oh my God. Karkat wait, before you continue, I just think you should know that that's Dave's account, not mine."

"What."

"We share an account, and he pays for it mostly and lets me bum him..."

"WHAT."

"Karkat, oh my God--"

You stifle a hiccup, as you're frozen solid like the solid nose trail that wants to be made vain in front of you. You bite your lip, and your cheeks run hot, as an embarrassed icy hot feeling makes itself known throughout your entire body.

John said _what._

You're an idiot. Complete bollocks. A certified asshole ruining competition idiot! You can't believe yourself, or any of this actually happened. You are never. Never, never doing this ever again, ever. Never. Your credibility in life is _SOILED_. GONE. BEATEN. AMSCRAY. Life can only hope to try and replicate the amount of donkey manure that makes up your entire being, as you land hit yourself square in the face with the palms of your hands. Massaging your eye sockets, as they threaten to bleed on themselves.

"Karkat, it's ok...Ssh..." John goes to your side and rubs the back of your arm.

"John. I made a complete FOOL of myself." Your hands are still on your eyes, as you draw yourself out in agony.

"It's ok! Really! I mean.." He stops himself, pauses, and bites his lip in this cute way that always hurts your dick. "I kind of liked it, so. Maybe we can try again, sometime?"

You draw your face up, and study him. Really look at the guy.

"What? I wasn't too much of an asshole? I'm shocked you even want me near your loins at the unsurprisingly inscrutable display."

"Well, yeah. It was kind of hot...Even down to you wearing my dad's old fedora, which is totally embarrassing."

You mull over your options, and then sport to kiss him on the mouth.

"I can probably skip that one, ok."

"Hehehe," He giggles to himself.

You smile smally, as you just watch your lover from your place in the bed.

Yeah,

This was pretty alright.


	2. Chapter 2

TG: hahahahahaha

TG: hahahahahahahahahaha

TG: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

TG: rose told me what happened

TG: i cant believe this

TG: that is the worst thing ive ever heard happen to someone

TG: what he do

TG: bust in with a cake the size of new orleans and say

TG: 'welcome home son. now lick the cream off the cake thats somehow onto the side of my dick.'

TG: wink

TG: i cant stop laughing im dying

TG: did you tell him we share an account

TG: im never going to apologize

TG: this was the best thing thats happened to me all week

TG: this whole situation sounds like a pornhub title

TG: "boyfriend walks in on lover and proceeds to take it up the ass like daddys cock"

TG: god dammit

TG: there are tears running down my eyes

TG: im gonna sign off before shit hits the creaks but ill talk to you later dude

TG: dont get your ass handed to you too red for daddy cock

EB: fuck you, dave.

TG: hahahahaha

**Author's Note:**

> This atrocity was based off a wholesome tumblr post, and now I'm gonna sob.  
> Read it [(here.)]()


End file.
